marrage jokes

Men vs Women V

Snappy Comebacks to "Why aren't you married yet?"


1.      You haven't asked yet.

2.      I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

3.      What? And spoil my great sex life?

4.      Nobody would believe me in white.

5.      Because I just love hearing this question.

6.      Just lucky, I guess.

7.      It gives my mother something to live for.

8.      My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole.

9.      I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

10.  Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?

11.  I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

12.  It didn't seem worth a blood test.

13.  I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

14.  Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

15.  My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.

16.  I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

17.  They just opened a great singles bar on my block.

18.  I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

19.  I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

20.  What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

21.  We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it.

22.  I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

23.  Why aren't you thin?

24.  I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

25.  (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

"Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed."

Signs Your Spouse is Having an Affair on the Computer

10. Lately she sits at the computer naked
9. After signing off, she always has a cigarette
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up
6. She's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand
5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software"
4. Lipstick on the mouse
3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"
2. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underpants
1. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass