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Bumper Stickers

 

         So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

         I need someone really bad... are you really bad?

         Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

         Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

         I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

         The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

         My kid had sex with your honor student.

         Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.

         If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

         Help wanted: Telepathy ... you know where to apply.

         Hang up and drive.

         Lord save me from your followers.

         Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

         Born again pagan.

         God must love stupid people, he made so many.

         I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

         Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

         Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

         Wink, I'll do the rest!

         I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

         Ax me about Ebonics

         Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel

         Boldly going nowhere

         CATS: The other white meat

         CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!

         Warning: I intentionally run over small, furry animals.

         Don't be sexist - broads hate that

         Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

         Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends

         He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged

         Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window

         How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost.

         I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi... Oooh! Donuts!

         If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets

         If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

         I'm an imbecile and I vote

         WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

         What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull

         CAUTION: I drive just like you!

         If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

         Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings."

         Practice Safe Sex. Go Screw Yourself.

         It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.

         "Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point."

         Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

         Constipated people don't give a crap.

         If you drink, don't park--accidents cause people.

         Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

         My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.

         To all you virgins: Thanks for nothing.

         If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.

         If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

         You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

         The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

         I Have The Body Of A God......Buddha.

         This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.

         So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.

         Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

         If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

         The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.

         I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

         If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

         Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

         Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

         Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

         WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

         5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

         Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

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