· So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
· I need someone really bad... are you really bad?
· Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
· Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
· I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
· The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
· My kid had sex with your honor student.
· Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.
· If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
· Help wanted: Telepathy ... you know where to apply.
· Hang up and drive.
· Lord save me from your followers.
· Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
· Born again pagan.
· God must love stupid people, he made so many.
· I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
· Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
· Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
· Wink, I'll do the rest!
· I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
· Ax me about Ebonics
· Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
· Boldly going nowhere
· CATS: The other white meat
· CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!
· Warning: I intentionally run over small, furry animals.
· Don't be sexist - broads hate that
· Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
· Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends
· He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged
· Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
· How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost.
· I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi... Oooh! Donuts!
· If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets
· If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
· I'm an imbecile and I vote
· WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
· What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
· CAUTION: I drive just like you!
· If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
· Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings."
· Practice Safe Sex. Go Screw Yourself.
· It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.
· "Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point."
· Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
· Constipated people don't give a crap.
· If you drink, don't park--accidents cause people.
· Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
· My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
· To all you virgins: Thanks for nothing.
· If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
· If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
· You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
· The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
· I Have The Body Of A God......Buddha.
· This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.
· So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
· Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
· If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
· The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.
· I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
· If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
· Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
· Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
· Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
· WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
· 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
· Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.